My heart still thumps as I bleed

Yep guys it’s summer again, even if you are still trying to hide inside that huge, but so damn comfortable, hoodie. I don’t like to define myself a “summer person”, but I can’t deny that having much more time for what you like and not having the urge to complete useless tasks like everyday, is somethin quite good. At the end, it is always the same problem: the moment when you have to remove your shirt\pants and start your crusade to the sea. You always feel all of the eyes on you, even if you are alone out there, you know that somewhere somebody is watching what you are doing and how you look… How you look, a quite complicated matter. I’ve been reading like tons of articles about body confidence, body shaming, loving your curves, your fat, everything… but let’s be honest, just for a moment: it is not always possible. There are those days when you feel powerful, capable of everything but here are also the ones when you feel low, without grace and it is not beatiful. You look around you and you can see only girls better than you, leaner and you just feel tears pricking behind your eyes. And I am here, right now, behind this screen  to tell you to wipe your eyes, wear your armor that could be everything, your favorite t-shirt, makeup, hoodie,  shoes or band-pins, and go out. Wear what you want and don’t be ashamed if you feel eyes on you, you are capable of endure even them. Don’t mind about the fat, it’s okay anyway, it is not a problem for them, I don’t think it changes something in their lives. Wear that bikini and rock it, you deserve it. Those years when you can really do whatever you want will never come back and it’s a shame if you spend them hiding behing a shadow, something that could only lead you somewhere you don’t want to go. You are really capable of doing what you want. People will always talk, it’s a matter of fact. You can walk this world even if you are not a copy. Remeber: being soft is not something to deny, is something to be proud of.


Currently listening: Alt-J, Tesselate


And the days blur into one

“All my nightmares escaped my head
Bar the door, please don’t let them in
You were never supposed to leave
Now my head’s splitting at the seams
And I don’t know if I can
Here, beneath my lungs, I feel your thumbs press into my skin again”

I wrap myself in thin sheet of ice

Lot of people, sometimes, feel like they don’t want to walk this world anymore. But for some reasons: bills, family, an house that has to be bought… they understand that they have to keep on living. I don’t think that this is a good way to spend your time of this planet. Everything is a bleesing, evn if you don’t get it at the beginnig. You can workship everybody you want, from Facebook, Steve Jobs or Micheal Jackson, I don’t care but you have to follow what you are and what you really want to do. You want to dye your hair pink and travel to Australia? Good, do it. You want to sell everything you posses and then buy a huge jeep and start a journey that could lead you everywhere? For me it’s ok, just do it. Don’t think that your life is worthless just because somebody tells you “What you are saying is meaningless”, it’s just the right push to make you understand that this is exactly what you need to change what, by now, is no more right for you. Dress yourself in gold and silver and be ready to face the consequeces, even if they are strong to endure. You can endure everything. If the world tries to bring you down, it’s your duty to swim against the flood and becomme even stronger that you were before. The world never dies and you have to believe the same about you. Don’t think that the world will not be different without you. It will be. It can’t die but you can. Wait, or even better, don’t think about that moment. Put more memories as possible in the brief time that Somebody has given us.  Each second counts. Don’t cut it off by being oppressed by useless worries. Much of them are only in your head. Wear bold clothes and laugh aloud, make you heardable from your neighborhood.  Hide in your backyard only if you feel vulnerable, then come back even bolder.

The Universe never dies.

Currently listening: Of Monsters and Men, Backyard


We’ve gone way too fast for way too long

Hey guys whats up? I know, I know, I’ve been away far too long (eheh see the title), but now I hope I will back, maybe even more than before. I’ve been through lot of things and I don’t want to speak about them, they are gone, just this. Gone and so is my old self. Now I walk with my head higher and my heart doesn’t beat more with a broken beat that surrounded everything. Maybe I am weaker than before, but that’s okay, everything passes even this situacion.
I hope you are well, that you are still eating the leftovers of the easter’s eggs (gosh how much I love them). Problably you are still pessed off with me but I hope you will forgive me! Right now I feel like a young dude without a fuck to give, I am FREE and I can do WHATEVER I WANT, and so you can, nobody has the power to tell you what to do, you are the maker of your own path. I know it feels boring but it is real, believe your little shitty alien (eheh). In two months, it will be summer, so find all of your energies and be ready to enjoy the time of your life.
Still love youuu

currently listening: Young and Menace, Fall Out Boy

I don’t know what I want, if I’m completely honest
I guess I could start a war, I guess I could sleep on it
I don’t know what I want, if I’m completely honest
I guess I could start a war, I guess I could sleep on it

-The Kids don’t Wanna come Home, Declan Mckenna


So, here we are. It’s been an year since I’ve opened this page, becoming fully aware how little I am. How my voice is just one of the milions that, everyday, and maybe with even more strengh try to stand out and become someone. Someone… It feels like if at least one milion of people know your name you can become famous, earning you own spot in the world. Otherwise your life is a waste of time, something that is only stopping the other to succed what they are trying to get with all their strenght. Sometimes sometimes you feel powerful, you feel capable of doing everything you want to. But there are also hard times where your tongue is cracked, your lungs can’t just help you saying what you want, your feet make you stay gluend in a spot. Those are the cases where you wonder what you are doing here, on this little, hurt planet. How is possible to hate and love something with all yourself? So you try again to make yourself bigger, you scream at the top of your lungs, you try to regain the strenght that the other tried to steal you. Yeah, because this life is an endless game where you can be the winner but never the loser. It is quite impossible, in my opinion. Just breathing everyday, going out of bed when you would prefer to hide from that noise that you know could cut you, shatter you like that mirror you are so afraid of is an act of rebellion, a sign that you are not a waste of space, that even if you feel that nobody loves you, you still care about yourself. And it is enough. Yes, you are enough, even if the world itself is screaming NO!

It’s been an year since I’ve decided that I can produce something beautiful, something that could make me proud, just a little. It’s not so much, but currently it’s more than I could ever asked for. Mine are short words, maybe even meaningless, but for me they symbolize so much. I’m just a little alien like a milion elses that walk around wondering what we could do to leave our footstep on this look-alike moon. I,we, had the guts to show our inner part, something golden that we felt was a waste to keep hidden. There is still time ot make our parents proud of us. This is the time to make us proud of ourselves. You don’t need to write tons of words, just what is required to make you feel covered of light. That is my purpose for another year just like this. I think I will another part of this big adventure that is called life.

currently listening: Comptine d’un autre été, Yann Tiersen

Finally, I can see you crystal clear

During this week I’ve assumed the state of mind that if you want something you have to fight for it and,even, say a big “FUCK YOU!” to your shyness. Break the rules society tried to give you, even if your a woman you can do the first step. Don’t be afraid of being rejected, there will always be somebody else to spend time with. I’ve been broken-hearted but, even if with some difficulties I’ve been capable of coming back on my steps and become even more stronger, and it is what really matter. I’ve jumped into the dark without knowing what is waiting for me. To be honest I am afraid that I could be hurted but I think is worth trying to face some light after all. I hope something good is coming.

currently listening: Rolling in the Deep, Adele

Time to put the old horse down

My mind is floating. I’m trying to catch my breath and disappear. I want to be nowhere to be seen. It would be so much better. There’s a lot of stress in my life in this days. I can’t make everything work right now. It seems like if I’m trying to hold a rope that is going away. My hands are bleeding and I don’t know what to do. To many things to do and not much time. Time… what a strange concept. We’re all here trying to survive on this goddamn planet while we are enslaved by such a thing like time. It  feels like if it is our enemy. We try everything to fight back but it seems useless. Right now I should do something else but I think that this is the right thing to do now. I would like to talk to you, just a little. The other one is still hunting my mind but sometimes I can make him shut up his friking mouth. It will only need time. Here it is again, time. Latins says that “time runs away” and I think that I could make a better use of the one that has be given to me. I just need some calm moments to hold my breath, close my eyes and hold on, trying to make everything fall in its spot. Maybe that day this little space will become bigger, I will become stronger and I will not give a damn about time and what I am doing right now, in this exact place. I just need time.

currently listening: I need some sleep, Eels

“I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you”

– Cosmic Love, Florence+ the Machine